I hate kickers…

I’ll spend another entry to get into me, who I am, why I stated blogging, blah blah blah….

But I am legitimately mad, angry, pissed off that last night I had to spend 3+ hours of my life listening to Brent Musburger drool over the Honey Badger in the same fashion as he drooled over Colt McCoy when he was in college. That is not even the worst part about it. The next time a NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP is so bad that the all-star offensive performer is a kicker, warn me so I can be sure to shove needles in my eyes while splashing Tabasco in them as well to make sure I can’t see what is happening. Look, I’m not taking anything away from the back-handed slap that Alabama repeatedly gave LSU all night because it was one for the all-time. However, I’m taking it back to kickers and why I am going to propose the idea that all kicking, all special team aspects of football as we know it, should be eliminated from the great game of football.

The old football adage is that special teams is 1/3 of the game, just like offense and defense make up 1/3 as well. BULL CRAP! We first take a look at the top: the Hall of Fame. There is just one pure place kicker and zero punters in the Hall of Fame. Kickers decide some of the biggest moments in football history and yet they are important enough to vote only 1 pure kicker into the Hall. Next, if special teams/kickers are so important, why are there so many college football programs who don’t have a good kicker? Alabama is a prime example. You have a kicker who can’t make a FG over 50 yards, which isn’t unreasonable to expect from a kicker, but did having a crappy kicker stop them from winning a national title? Exactly. The third reason kickers need to go is they have way too much influence on football games. Kickers stand around all week, kick FGs, sprinkle in a few actual kicks with a full team out there, no rush on the attempts and you have the traditional practice week of a kicker. For an aspect that is “1/3” of the game, in all reality only gets about 10% of practice time a week. Then come game time, they ultimately week in and week out decide the fate of the team.

These teams sure wish they had a little bit better performances this year out of their kickers:
Boise State
Oregon
Oklahoma State
Oklahoma
Alabama (Not in the end, but for a while had to sweat it out)
TCU (1st game of the year against Baylor)
Missouri (week 2 against a sorry Arizona st team)
Baylor (against K-state, lost by 1, kicker missed only FG attempt)

Those are just the schools I could think of off the top of my head. I’m sure every team in America had at least one game decided solely on a missed kicker this season. In college football, in which 1 extra win could change the school’s season and, more importantly, end of season pay out based on the bowl they go to, kickers are costing their respective universities (like Boise St for the past two years) MILLIONS OF DOLLARS. It’s a joke.

So what do we do about these kickers? There is nothing about a kicker that says “yeah he is a football player” no he is “just a kicker.” Get rid of them, all of them. But nobody likes “that guy” who just bitches without a way to make it better. Insert Clary’s solution to replacing kickers. Football gets rid of all special teams and now football has more of a pick-up game feel. Game starts with the coin flip and the receiving team takes the ball at their own 20. Now instead of punting on 4th down, teams go for it EVERY TIME. I know somewhere Mike Leech is smiling at that idea. If the defense stops them, they take over just like a basic stop on 4th down. When a score happens, teams go for 2 EVERY TIME (And also, NFL, allow teams to run back the PAT for 2 points like in college so the PAT could have some meaning again for the defense). Now coaches can put even more time to the actual aspects that make the game of football what it really is; offenses and defenses are better, and games like the trash last night can be better avoided. Do it from the youngest level of football all the way to the NFL. I have yet to meet anyone who gets fired up about a football game because the kickers in the game have such great leg strength. I mean seriously, the only difference between John Daly and Sebastian Janikowski is one strike a football and the other strikes a golf ball. Let’s make football more exciting and, in my opinion, a “purer” version of football because now the game is decided by actual football players. Not, like Peyton Manning would say, “idiot, liquored up kicker[s]”

Oh ya, college football, there aren’t enough characters on the internet for me to start on how terrible the BCS is and why there needs to be a playoff.

Now come back y’all for more entertaining takes of sports, food, current affairs, men, women, family, friends, skinny jeans, beer, drinking games, TV, naps, festering, nick names, stupid people, guest appearances from friends of mine, lazy people, a good burp and fart, a little about who I am, why it’s a “coke” not a pop, why Gatorade is better than Powerade, why Snickers is the greatest candy bar ever, words with friends and really anything that grabs my attention because the great thing about blogging is nothing is off-limits. Till next time…

Clary needs to enjoy more of the full reclining couch he is currently sitting on.

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2 thoughts on “I hate kickers…”

  1. The no kicker/punter thing is exactly what would have made the XFL awesome and probably more successful than it was. The problem with “extreme” football is that it settled back into the pro-style conservatism that we see more and more in college football today. I wouldn’t say get rid of kickers or punters, because plays like TD returns and blocks are what makes special teams exciting and can be game changers. Maybe consider making longer distance kicks worth like 4 or 5 points or something, like the 3 point arc in basketball. Would add another element of strategy to the game…

    Also I devised what I think is a really good setup of the NCAA that facilitates a completely fair football playoff, all while working within the timeframe of the current college football season. Here are the basics…

    1. Two major conferences, for simplicity sake called the American and National Conferences, each made of up four 16-team divisions (North, South, East, and West). Each division is comprised of four sub-groups. A team plays every team in their sub-group, one from each of the other sub-groups, and has three additional “non-conference” games to play traditional rivals or whatever. So basically it’s a nine game regular season, which I realize is shorter than usual, but wait…

    2. Basically every school east of the Mississippi is in one conference and west in the other (I actually mapped this out and the east has more schools than the west, but consider bumping up some decent D-IAA teams like Montana, SFA, and a few others). Then group them by region within their conference, so division alignment actually makes sense regionally (not having Boise St in the Big East, for example).

    3. The top four teams in each division at the end of the season advance to the playoffs, so a 16-team bracket in each conference. Teams are seeded 1-4 in their division and play teams from other divisions, i.e. American North 1 plays American South 4 in the first round. Teams who win advance to the next round. Losers in the first round play losers from the other conference in a low tier bowl game. Losers in the second round play in higher tier bowls. Eventually the quarter and semifinal losers play in three of the BCS bowls, with the fourth being the national championship. The championship rotates between the four like it used to.

    4. This also works out time-wise, where the national championship gets played in the second week of January with the season beginning in late August. The nine-game regular season also allows for two bye weeks, so a 10 game season with one bye week could work as well.

    I have a big Excel file done on this and everything, I really want to send it in somewhere but I have no idea who to send it to. I feel like with a true playoff system there will never be a disputed champion because the winner wins out. You win in the playoffs, you are guaranteed more money. You win in the regular season, you’re in. No votes. No style points. Team performance history doesn’t matter. Only thing that matters is how you play that season. I think this would make some really interesting matchups.

    Also just think March Madness times 10 with the bracketology…

  2. I second your thoughts on the kicker, although I do not throw as much dislike in there. I will use my team for example, the Detroit Lions, because that is who I am most familiar with. Our kicker is Jason Hanson who has been with the team 20 years. Take any season during the 1990s when he was with the team along with Barry Sanders or this past season with Matthew Stafford. He consistently ranks as the teams highest scorer. It seems absurd to put him in the ranks of Barry Sanders or Matthew Stafford, if he (Stafford) continues his amazing play for another 10 years. It is extremely doubtful that he will make the Hall one day, just like any other kicker. I second Jeff’s thoughts on wishing the XFL would have tried something like this to see what it would be like before instituting it onto the NFL or even NCAA scene.

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