Cold weather needs to take an indefinite vacation

I’ve just spent about 2 weeks in the greater northwest for work. While I was there, the temperature never broke 40 degrees. I also saw the sun for a combined 40 minutes. I lived most of my life in the south and I’ve always said that for the week of Christmas, I would like it to be cold. Little snow, just something like that. Then go back to being around mid-50s during the day, maybe low 40s at night until spring. Spending 2 weeks up north has all but confirmed to me why cold weather should not be around for longer than my 7 day request.

1. Lets start with the obvious, you have to wear layers of clothes, only to be takin off when you get inside. Walking around like Ralphies’ brother from a Christmas story is not fun.
2. You have to take them off because whoever operates the heat in the building has it set to July temps.
3. Until all cars have a remote start, you have to put all those clothes on to run out and start your car to warm up. Otherwise, you can freeze for the first few minutes of your ride.
4. As if having my box on wheels turn into a freezer on wheels wasn’t bad enough, you probably can’t see anything because the windows are iced over. So break out a scraper and scrape away.
5. Black ice is super dangerous.
6. If your lucky enough for it not to be overcast that day, daylight saving times allows you a max of two hours of sunlight.
7. When it rains, it’s almost as if you can feel yourself turning into a popsicle while outside.
8. There is a reason people get fatter as it gets colder.
9. Women think it’s alright to not shave their legs as often since they always have long pants on. I’m sorry, it’s not funny to show me your leg stubble while I talk to you. It’s gross. Keep that to yourself.
10. When it’s cold outside, everything is dead outside. Makes it look even more depressing and miserable than it already is.
11. The flu. I mean do I really have to explain myself?
12. Baseball in the cold is the worst. At least when I play golf in the cold there is beer to help.
13. You are destined to burn your tongue drinking something hot to recover the feeling in your face again.
14. Football starts to end, then with out warning, it’s gone.
15. If you live on the coast when it’s cold, it’s as if Mother Nature is taunting you.
16. Snow is great for about 1 hr. After that, it sucks. You end up just getting wet and effectively expedite the process of being numb from head to toe.
17. When it’s cold, that’s all anyone flippin’ talks about. YES I KNOW IT’S COLD. I CAN’T FEEL MY EARS OR FINGERS JUST LIKE YOU.
18. People who like the cold are weird. “I don’t see how you can’t like it outside.” “Because I don’t say shit like it got UP to 35 today. Or how you can even think that 30s is shorts weather.”
19. Just by the time you are comfortable inside, it’s time to go back into the cold for some unexplainable reason.
20. YOU ARE ALWAYS COLD! No matter how hard you try, you are cold.

Spring, you can’t get here quick enough!


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