NFL 2013 Preview

I don’t know what it is, but that odd-shaped inflatable ball sure does get a lot of people fired up (myself included). Although the game is changing in the name of safety, the core of this gladiatorial sport sill remains. For how much longer? That will be up to Roger Goodell.

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It’s sad that in today’s game, the first thing people ask when there is a violent collision is “Was it legal? Oh he might have launched himself…suspend him for 18 games, press criminal charges, make his mama scold him for playing rough, and make sure the other guy isn’t a mashed potato.” Football is a very dangerous game, especially the higher the level. Players get bigger, stronger, and faster. I am all for taking unnecessary and cheap shots out of the game. But after seeing a hit in the pre-season game (see picture below), the game is on a slippery slope. The hit below was deemed illegal because he did use his shoulder. Well, does anyone actually realize how difficult it is to make a tackle on someone in the open field in the NFL? I just know it’s beyond difficult. But here is a rookie who made no attempt to do anything dirty, and more than likely had the intent to hit this man with his shoulder. But because it isn’t a tackling dummy standing still, his target point was constantly changing and happen to catch him with the helmet first. This wasn’t even called a penalty on the field because it looked like a clean hit and nobody outside of the NFL front office seemed to disagree with that. It’s a shame the extreme disadvantage the defense is at in the game today, but here is the undeniable fact:


You will still watch. I’m still going to watch. And the NFL knows it. Outside of just putting them in flags, the NFL can do whatever it wants and we the American consumer of this booming business will watch every Sunday, Monday, and sometimes Thursdays and Saturdays now. It is because we will watch that allows me to write a preview on the upcoming season. Same approach applies here as did with the College football preview. Each team gets 140 characters. I will break down each division with the teams in no particular order. Starting with the AFC:

AFC East

Patriots: Bill Belichick, Darth Vader, & the Sith Lord must have the same tailor, Brady is still REALLY good so don’t count them out, even w/o any TEs


Bills: Gave Harvard man $50 million, cut him, draft a QB in 1st round next year & sign new QB, both get hurt, sign Matt Leinhert, lose lots of games


Jets: BUTT FUMBLE + Rex Ryan + No QB + No RBs + No WRs + No TEs + No accountability = No fans, No TDs, and No chance at the playoffs

(Yes that says “unforgotten” on the bottom of that man’s stomach)

Dolphins: Mike Wallace took his talents to South Beach, probably won’t all click in 1st season, see a soph slump for QB, will be a tough out all year

AFC West


Chargers: “Where is LT? We still have to watch Rivers take snaps? I don’t even know how to get to the stadium.” Lots of losses for the bolts this year


Raiders: I mean, seriously…it’s the Raiders, if you can’t make fun of them, you shouldn’t be reading this. Run DMC needs to stay healthy big time


Chiefs: Yes, that’s a real stat from last year, they were that bad. Andy Reid should help them, but Alex Smith will find a way to mess it all up

The Denver Broncos vs Baltimore Ravens AFC Divisional playoff game.

Broncos: One of the favorites in the AFC, but the picture reminds everyone how it’s possible for a WR to get behind the defense in “prevent” coverage

AFC North


Bengals: A.J. Green is insanely good. Dalton is pretty good, playoff team past two years. Can they get out of the 1st round this year? Es posible

111609 Browns fans

Browns: Trent Richardson is an absolute monster, but I don’t trust Weeden at all. And after all, it’s still the Browns, nobody can trust them


Ravens: Wacco Flacco got paid, but the ravens pulled a Miami Marlins and got rid of everybody. Might make the playoffs but who is there to throw to?


Steelers: Their offense is going to be pretty bad, but the defense has the ability to always make any game winnable, expect another .500 season

AFC South


Colts: Andrew Luck has got to be the nerdiest, uncool, beastly, goofy-looking, talented QB the NFL has ever seen


Texans: These guys are really good, and I can’t stand this fan base. But there is no denying how great Watt is on and off the field


Jaguars: What’s worse? Blaine Gabbert, The Head Coach, Jags attendance, or the new helmets? No matter the answer, it doesn’t equal more than 2 wins


Titians: This team should run the traditional power option with Jake Locker and Chris Johnson b/c lord knows Locker can’t throw downfield

NFC South


Panthers: If you don’t know who Luke Kuechly is, you should. Might be the best player on this team over Cam. Still will be lucky to play .500 football


Saints: All Drew Brees does is throw TD’s and all the defense does is give up TD’s. Defense just has to be decent and Saints will win 10 games


Bucs: Somebody want to explain to me what the hell a “Muscle Hamster” is. I know it doesn’t exactly strike fear into me, much less NFL defenses


Falcons: If the Falcons don’t get, at min, to the NFC championship game this year, is it time to start comparing Matty Ice to Tony Romo? Hope not

NFC North


Bears: Jay Cutler might be able to throw a football farther than Elway threw a Vortex, but couldn’t lead Haggard Middle School’s football team


Vikings: Bucket list item: see AP run live. For as good he is, that’s as bad as Ponder is. AP and D can still carry them to the 8-10 wins


Packers: Aaron Rodgers is really, really good and the packers still don’t have an answer for the running game. In other news, the pope is catholic


Lions: Megatron also is someone I need to see play live. There will be yards and point abound, but it’s still the Lions. 6-7 wins is what to expect

NFC West


Cardinals: Am I the only one who thinks that an old, broken down Carson palmer is a marginal QB upgrade at best for this team? Poor, poor Larry Fitz

San Francisco 49ers v St. Louis Rams

Rams: I can’t root for Sam Bradford, but can’t deny his skill. That defense is pretty solid as well. Could be the NFL sleeper team this year


Seahawks: If hipsters root for a football team, it’s this one. I really like Wilson though, and can’t argue with the best home field adv in the NFL


49er’s: Shame Crabtree went & got hurt again. Will be interesting to see Kaepernick’s 2nd year. By far the best team in the NFC, possibly entire NFL

NFC East


Eagles: The Eagles will score some points, Mike Vick will get hurt and miss time, Eagle fans will be pissed, but will give the NFC fits all season


Giants: Can’t ever tell what this team will do before the halfway point, so all I will say is I hate Eli Manning and Victor Cruz


Redskins: Shanahan better figure out how to protect his best player. Healthy RGIII probably = division title, no RGII = last in the division


Cowboys: An “uncomfortable offseason” = Romo got lots of $, didn’t fix the o-line, Garret is still Jerry’s puppet. Ugh, gonna be another roller coaster ride in Big D. But I’ll be there for every second of it I possibly can as I’m sure all NFL fans will be for their respective teams. I know everyone is tired of stupid off-season drama story lines for both the NFL and College football. Let’s get the football season started!


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